[Author’s note: Sometimes you just need to post stuff to get it out of your head, even though it makes you sound like a crazy person. This is a purposefully ambiguous post. I don’t recommend reading too much into it. Thanks.]

No matter how hard you step away from the past, the memories haunt you. Life events shape you as a person. Even though the actual memories blur and become seamless over time, the perception that once was remains.

I may be open and honest but there’s a tremendous amount that stays covered, saturated with a murky shadow. And yet my own personal sorrow is a beacon that shines from inside the walls I have built.

I ponder whether I should be protecting myself with these walls. Because the walls aren’t imaginary. They are paper-mâché. So then, let the tears pour out and the rain wash away what once was and the paper-mâché walls made with water-soluble school glue will fall in clumps.

Life has become a perpetual state of personal R&D. For so long I’ve tried to be the person everyone else wanted me to be. I feel like I’ve been lost. As part of a concerted effort to find myself, I choose to be alone in this journey of learning the proper etiquette to removing this compost heap of emotion.

Yet, the hours of time goes on. May we appreciate the moments of happiness. Accept the circumstance with a smile. Smile when your heart breaks. Smile through the torment. Smile while you separate your life from everything you once knew. Smile like no one is watching. Smile to yourself. Smile because it exercises more muscles than frowning. Smile as you step – not away from the past – but toward the future that is beyond your control.

Just,

G

Photo credit: radiant guy